Your abuser is irrevocably eaten up inside. I know your ongoing interaction is frustrating and draining. I dealt with it from age 4 through 56. The occasional contact during adulthood was unavoidable and it was war. He used every lever imaginable and I dealt with it. Eventually, it ate him up. I hope you don't have to put up with this person another minute but it doesn't sound easy. If at some point you feel you need more distance, I advise doing it. Dissasociating from a situation is nothing to feel negative about. At some point it only represents safety, peace and love for oneself.