Wow, what a journey. You've lived a life that aches to be written. It's no wonder your poetry and these wonderful stories continue to come to light. Self-esteem, self-image; all the ways we judge ourselves is frustrating and always present. Of course, you and I know that a judgemental voice is an illusion. As you say, looking not judging or listening to the voice of others you can see yourself as not homely. You know the difference.