Ballad of a Lonely Man
it was a little like a song
This goes back to 1987. It’s a narrative of an encounter between two men who, in reality, are one man, specifically me.
Though I’ve lived what appears to be a healthy life, complete with friends, lovers, education, and a career, less than a dozen people know what I’ve endured.
Not a single person knew what made me tick as a child through my early 20s. I didn’t either, not entirely. I spent a lot of time consciously reacting to an extremely abusive adoptive stepfather. However, I didn’t know I was reacting unconsciously as well. There was an incident so frightening that my mind disassociated to protect me in real-time from the pain and horror of the moment. It wasn’t until my mid-twenties that I allowed myself to remember, as I was in a situation where I needed the lost information to work through a problem. It was a shock to be made aware of how cruelly I’d been victimized, but I was fortunate to have the mental capacity and emotional strength to cope. Many are not able to respond well and have difficulty readjusting their life, given the new information. In my case, growing up, I did have a few loving adult family role models, a community of accepting friends, and the reflective-driven ’1960s and 1970s to mold my personality. And there was counseling, plenty of it over the years.
